Topic: Flames & Trolls
Dealing with Flames
Two people's thoughts on the subject:
Is a flame still a flame if it falls in the forest and no one hears? ...What if the intended reader thinks it is hilarious?
I say an intended flame only can become a flame when it is being read -- and only with the understanding and consent of the reader. Although anyone can attempt to flame another, the attempt will not succeed if the 'victim' fails to understand or fails to respond in the expected manner.
We've run into this on international (inter-cultural) lists where an intended insult is greeted with appreciation and smiles, and conversely attempts to be friendly and helpful interpreted as hostility or rudeness.
Conflict resolution teaches many different techniques in which a flame or personal insult is dealt with so that it is no longer easily described or associated as an insult any longer. It is meant to diffuse the situation rather than to assign blame on either side. From this stance, it's easy to see how often people will read an insult into a post where none may be intended or on the other hand, where an insult was intended, but the choice is to overlook the insult and continue on. So much to be learned around such an event as this.
I've seen humor deflect such things, but even then it is still associating the comment with insult. So the question is how does one chose to not see an insult within an insulting message? It's essentially a no-fault system of dealing with such issues. It means seeing the essence of the message while chosing not to react to the tone of or attitude of the message. In one sense this is also about letting the person who issues a flame or insult the space to be and own who they are, and that whatever they send out to you has nothing much to do with you as an individual. Mind you, I am a novice student in awe... I just appreciate this ability in others... to be so self assured that nothing sticks when it is thrown at them. Okay, ready for this part? The Troll is then the teacher. One can even thank the Troll for the opportunity to learn. Cool, hey?
So essentially the emphasis is on the one supposedly flamed, but not in the sense of fault, ownership or blame, but rather in the levels of skill brought to the situation. Commonly most people stay far away from this level of resolution as it sort of takes the skills of a Zen Master. :-)
(Thanks to Allen Dick and Cheryl.)
Last updated on December 26, 2003 04:14 PM